December 6, 2012

8 Holiday Questions for 8 Authors


As promised last week, as part of our Season's Readings promo, it's time for 8 Holiday Questions for 8 Authors.

In order to keep to my usual doggified blogging, I've asked Kona (the chocolate Lab from my novel, What the Dog Ate) and my own pup, Rita, to help answer some of the questions. Here goes. 

Me: You guys ready?
Kona: Yep. We're getting treats for helping right?
Rita: Yeah; we demand treats! We should get them before we start though. Momma, they're all right here in the pantry... *saunters toward the pantry*
Me: Yes, Rita. I know where the treats are. You show me every time we walk down the hall. We'll get them after.
R: Awww, Mom. *hangs head and saunters back*

Me: Question #1 "What is your best (or worst) holiday memory?" Kona?
K: Does it have to be Christmas-related?
Me: No, whatever holiday you want.
K: Okay good. My best Thanksgiving was when my momma went to Boston and I got to go stay at her friend Helen's house. This part didn't make it in the book, but while I was there, Helen and her boyfriend, Raul, they were busy, uh, smooching in the kitchen when they were supposed to be cleaning up the leftovers, and I climbed up on Raul's chair and then up on the table, and I got to stand there on the table for a good long time eating the leftover turkey before they realized what was going on.
R: Good one!
K: I know right!?
Me: *shaking head*
K: *licking lips* That was the Best. Holiday. Ever. *contented sigh*
Me: I'm just glad you're answering this one because I don't want to discuss the time we had Chinese take-out for Christmas dinner. *discontented sigh*

Me: *shaking it off* Anyway, moving on. Question #2. We'll let Rita answer this one. "What's the most embarrassing/most disappointing gift you ever received?"
R: Bunny ears. *rolls eyes in my direction*
"Do you see me rolling my eyes?"
K: Oh, man. Why do people even give things to dogs that are for wearing? We do not like that. Unless it’s for one of those small trembly dogs - those dogs need sweaters, but not us big dogs. We like things that are for eating or for chewing. Right Rita?
R: Right! *the dogs paw-bump*
K: Did you at least get to eat the bunny ears after she made you wear them?
R: No! *pouts*
K: That sucks, man.

Me: Next. Question #3: "Favorite holiday beverage?" I'll take this one.
K: Bath water!
Me: Gross.
R: Chicken juice!
K: Chicken juice?
Me: She means chicken broth, but you guys hush. This is my question. I'd say anything red and vestive looking, like a cosmo or maybe some cranberry juice and vodka.
R: Bleh.
Me: It's not your turn. You can do the next one.

Me: Question #4 for Rita: "What would you add to a snowman to personalize it?" (Man, I’m glad she’s answering this one. She’s much sweeter and way more innocent than me.)
R: Well, I've never seen snow. Can we make a sandman instead?
Me: I guess. A snowman would never last here anyway.
R: I would make him all beachy, cuz that is my very favorite place. I'd put seashells for buttons and eyes, and some seaweed for a scarf, then a piece of drift wood for a nose. He could wear a sun hat and sunglasses. But not a floppy hat, because those can be scary. I do not like strangers in floppy hats and sunglasses. You know what, never mind the sunglasses -- he can just squint. Or I'll loan him my Doggles. That reminds me, my Doggles were a lame present too.
"Lame!"
K: Can we play with the piece of drift wood when you're done with it?
R: I just had an awesome idea - a dead gopher would make a great hat! (If I don't eat it first.)
Me: I should never have let you watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. A dead gopher would make a terrible hat.
R: Makes a great snack though. Or a great stocking stuffer. Hint hint.
Me: You are not getting a dead gopher in your stocking. 

Me: Next! I'll take this one. Question #5: "What are three things you can't survive the holidays without?"
R: I don't know how to answer this one because I haven't been around at Christmas yet.
Me: Well, it's not your question anyway, so hush. Hmmm. Well, first off would have to be peppermint ice cream. It's not Christmas without it.
R: Oh, yes, I like that too.
K: *drooling*
Me: *trying to ignore the drool* Next would be watching Scrooge. I love this movie and sing along to every song. I even remember seeing it in the theater when I was little, and although the scene with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come scared the you-know-what out of me--
R: What? Poop? *giggles*
Me: You're such a puppy. Don't interrupt Momma. Anyway, even though I thought it was super scary when I was 5, I love it and watch it every year. The third thing would be Christmas music. It wouldn't be a holiday without that, and mostly I like the old-fashioned stuff. I don't want any Mariah or Madonna singing about Santa. Give me Bing, Nat, Elvis and Barbara any day over the more recent popular stuff. Boy, I think I dated myself with this answer.
K: Yes. In dog years you'd be dead.

Me: Nice. Remember, I control the treats. Okay, Kona, you're up again. Oh, this one should be interesting... Question # 6: "Santa - sexy or let's just be friends?"
K: Sexy! You ever humped a leg clad in red velvet? *wiggles eyebrows*
Me: Say no more. Seriously, no more.
K: But I bet people want to know your answer.
Me: Okay . . . I kinda like the naughty twinkle in his eye, and he looks like he’d be a good cuddler, so maybe some spooning. But I would not want to see that man nekid. Oh wait, I just remembered that he sees me when I'm sleeping. That's just creepy. Okay, the spooning is out! Maybe a restraining order is called for instead... Let's move on.

Me: Question #7: Favorite holiday song, album or movie. I'll do this one. I already mentioned my favorite movie above. My all-time favorite Christmas CD, which is always the first one I play every year, is Charlie Brown Christmas. But my favorite individual song is "Carol of the Bells."
K: Who's Carol and what does she know about balls?
R: Balls? *ears perk up*
Me: No, not Carol of the balls. Carol of the bells. And carol is not a person, it's another word for a song.
K: Oh, boring. I thought we were talking about someone who, like, has a lot of tennis balls and throws them and stuff.
R: There's a lady, at the park. She always brings a ball. But her name isn't Carol. It's Dakota's mom. Dakota's Mom of the Ball.
Me: You guys are making me nuts. I'm glad we're almost done with this.

Me: Last one! Let's all answer this one. Question #8: It's midnight New Year's Eve - you can kiss any celebrity, living or dead. Who's it going to be?
Kona says, "Woof! What a hottie!"
K: Easy. Lassie.
Me: You do know that every dog that played Lassie on TV was a male dog, right?
K: I know. But geez, do you know how many famous female dogs there are? Think about it. There's Snoopy, Benji --
R: I'd kiss both of them.
K: Clifford, Marley, Astro --
R: And him, him and him...
K: Scooby, Toto --
R: Yep and yep...
K: And Cujo.
R: Oh... maybe not him.
Me: That's weird, Kona. I never noticed that before.
K: Yeah, the bitches don't get no respect.
Me and Rita in unison: You can say that again.
Oh, sigh...
Me: Rita, you have to pick just one. 
R: Oh, man, the pressure.... oh, wait. I'd say Kona. *blushes*
K: I'm not really a celebrity.
R: Sure you are. You're in a book! And you're cute. *tail wags furiously*
Me: Save it for later you two.
R: I know who Momma will say. She'll say the Daddy!
Me: Well, um, wait a minute... it's supposed to be a celebrity. I'm just trying to play by the rules here. So, I would resurrect an in-his-prime version of Gregory Peck. He’s a fellow So Cal native, like me, and was tall, dark, and probably the most handsome man ever.
R: After Daddy.
Me: Right. After Daddy!

Thanks everyone who hung in to the end. Wasn't it worth it for the nice picture of Gregory?

Up next tomorrow is the lovely Tracie Banister!

You can check out any Q&A that you missed (which have been laugh-out-loud funny) and the upcoming ones at these links:
Samantha Stroh Bailey – Mon, Dec 3
Francine LaSala – Tues, Dec 4
Libby Mercer – Wed, Dec 5
Cat Lavoie – Mon, Dec 10
Lucie Simone – Tues, Dec 11
Meredith Schorr – Wed, Dec 12

Rita & Kona in unison: Don't forget, you owe us some treats!

17 comments:

  1. Delightful dishing with the dogs! Clever and so fun to learn more about you, Jackie! Thanks for sharing!

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  2. "You ever humped a leg clad in red velvet?" Hilarious! Very creative, Jackie!

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  3. ROTFLMAO I'm a dog lover, so of course I got a huge kick out of this. Very clever, Jackie! And poor Rita with those bunny ears and doggles! Hee!

    Love that you picked Gregory Peck for your NYE kiss! I have a major crush on his grandson, Ethan! :)

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  4. That was so HILARIOUS!! I think the cute doggies deserve extra treats for being so cooperative. Great post, Jackie! :)

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  5. This is hysterical! Doggles. Love it! Awesome post, Jackie!

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  6. SUCH a hilarious post!! Seriously, a giggle a second. Jackie, if you haven't read them, you must check out "
    The Queen and I" and "Queen Camilla". They're fabulous comedy novels about the royal family (British) being tossed out and having to fend for themselves on the dole. The novels jump around from different perspectives (one chapter in the Queen's POV, one in Charles's, etc.) and this includes the dogs. So fun to read about how the royal dogs try to fit in with the council estate mutts. :-)

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  7. Thanks everyone for the nice comments. And thanks, Libby, for the book recommendations. I'm off to check those out on Amazon!

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  8. Gregory Peck?!? Cary Grant!! Far and away. Or Gary Cooper. He's so dreamy. *sigh* Then the daddy. Wait - the daddy at my house, not yours.

    I downloaded your book from Amazon this weekend. Really enjoyed it. I'm not a chick lit fan, but it was fun. :) The characters are still rolling around in my head. Well, not literally rolling around. That would be very distracting.

    Wait. Sean Connery. In that leprechaun movie, when he was young and super hot. Or Jack Black.

    Wait. No. Strike that last. Not Jack Black. Never Jack Black.

    I'm menopausal. I probably need to stop now.

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  9. Flea, your comment cracks me up.

    Not even Jack Black in "The Holiday"? He was, oddly, kind of adorable in that...

    I'm so glad you enjoyed my book! :)

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  10. I didn't see The Holiday. I always envision him in Nacho Libre. I've seen him in other things, but the Don Quixote remake is what I think of. Can't do it. Just can't. Maybe I'll have to look for that one. Probably still won't want to kiss him. :)

    Oh, and I was pulling for Russell from the beginning.

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    1. Yes, you should look for The Holiday! It's a pretty cute movie, and also has Jude Law.... If you enjoy that sorta thing....;)

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  11. Gregory Peck all the way. You have excellent taste, I gotta say. ;-)

    Thanks for making me laugh!

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  12. Peppermint ice cream? I've never even heard of it, let alone licked any, I think I'm being denied a real christmas!! Doh!!

    I'm gonna start to demand more of what I should be getting :)

    Wags to all

    Your pal Snoopy :)

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  13. love Q&A with dogs... They have the best insight
    Maggie

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  14. Um, this is one of my favorite posts ever. :)

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